This time last year I was in the midst of my comprehensive exams, trying to pull together my research ideas into a coherent whole, enough to convince the examiners at UBC that I had enough knowledge to move into the research phase of my doctorate.
This time last year I was in a different job, in a different province and married. Things have changed.
It’s axiomatic that doing this kind of in depth introspective work alters you. Also that you’ll smugly assume at the beginning that you are somehow exempt from that. You’re not.
This last year has reminded me that when we think we have it all figured out, life throws us a curve ball. Or as the old Yiddish proverb goes – Man plans and God laughs. Which reminds me of my all-time favourite:
Dr. Ian Malcolm, “God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man, Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs”
Dr. Ellie Sattler, “Dinosaurs eat Man….. Woman inherits the earth” (Jurassic Park)
Yeah, OK, not really the same but chaos theory, am I right?
This last year has also shown me the need for cheerleaders. As well as from my EdD cohort (shout out to Chickadee Nation!) I draw a lot of doctoral-type support from Twitter. The recent #ImmodestWomen tweets have got me cheering. Women with doctorates are changing their Twitter handles to ‘Dr’ to make a point that if they’ve achieved something, they should be able to be proud of it. Postings from people doing doctorates can also be inspiring, encouraging and motivating. I love reading the “I finally did it” posts with the pictures of happy people in funny hats. The “OMG why did I start this” tweets can be funny or sad – depending – but usually trail a number of comments like “you got this” and “keep going!” I’d like to think if I was having a terrible day/week/month I’d get my share of cyber hugs as well. Recently my virtual buddy Janice posted about taking a break – people shared with her how hard it had been for them, and how taking a break was sensible and necessary if she needed one. It sounds trite (and I would have scoffed at this three years ago) – but sometimes it really IS about the journey. We don’t want to burn out before we get there.
So after a move to Alberta (home of many dinosaurs!) I’m unpacking my notes, downloading the reference management software on my new laptop, and getting on with it. Or starting to. Or thinking seriously about it. I’ve posted the “things I need to do to be called Dr. Bolderston” table on my wall (see pic!) and put up my “you should be writing” memes so it’s a good start.
Even though my dissertation is about 11% done* since I started my EdD I’ve developed an LGBT healthcare research niche, published, presented and changed a few things for the better. It’s hard to separate the doctoral work from my daily practice (which is the whole point of a professional doctorate – so well played UBC). As an example, I was talking to a volunteer patient last week – she generously gives her time to be “treated” by our radiation therapy students at the University of Alberta. She told me that last year she had to play a patient with prostate cancer. I said, that’s amazing! It must have been so cool for the students to learn about trans patients. She looked at me strangely and said – well, no, we just didn’t have any men volunteering! But think of the missed opportunity, I said, we could rework the whole scenario! I’m not sure if she is going to sign up for that but it’s an easy way to queer the curriculum just a little bit. Impact – right?
So whether I start on my discussion section tomorrow, or next month – graduate this fall or in 2021, I’m (89%) OK with that. Just remind me when I post the “OMG why did I start this” tweet!
*probably a generous estimate